Hey everyone! This blog is a little more personal than some of my others have been, so bare with me, but I just needed to get some things off my chest and this is my creative outlet. 🙂
This is my first summer living away from home. Now for anyone who knows me, I don’t get homesick. I’ve never been someone who has understood those who get homesick and I still don’t feel myself missing home necessarily.
Although I don’t miss home, I do find myself missing certain aspects of home. Living in Green Bay is great and I’m glad I’m on my own, but it’s been hard so far.
For example, it’s the 4th of July (by the way, happy Independence Day fellow Americans!) and therefore the first major holiday on my own. I don’t mean to complain, but it’s been the worst holiday I can imagine I’ve ever had. I worked 11 hours, which left no time to do anything in the morning or the evening. But even if I hadn’t worked, I don’t know who I would have hung out with. I couldn’t have gone home, that’s too much driving for one day. And sure, I have friends around here, but they either went home for the holiday or had already made plans that couldn’t include me. I’m not bitter about it, I completely understand, but my point is that I’m laying in bed in this apartment all by myself listening to a million and one fireworks going off all around me and I can’t bring myself to enjoy any of it because I’m alone.
I know what some of you are thinking, “it’s all about the mind-set Desiree, you’re only making it worse by thinking like that.”
And I know I am. I have to tell myself all the time that my attitude determines my mood, but I just can’t shake this utter feeling of alone-ness today.
I considered going to the fireworks down on the river (which is apparently a huge event) and hoping I would run into someone that I knew, but that’s the thing about moving to a bigger city, it’s hard to find people in it. And this is where my not-so-homesickness comes in. I don’t know Green Bay at all places or people, where as I knew my hometown (and the towns next to it) by heart.
I didn’t have to worry about going to fireworks alone because I knew I would run into someone that I could tag along with.
But it’s not just the holiday that has brought my loneliness to my attention, I find myself constantly checking my snap chat stories and Facebook feed to see that so many people are making the most of their summers. All I’ve accomplished is working my butt off. And I’m glad I’m working because it keeps me busy and motivated, but I just want to enjoy my summer as much as the rest.
I realized as I was typing that how whiny it sounded. I’m not trying to be whiny. I’m just really bummed out.
I think the point of this particular post is that sometimes we have these expectations that things are going to be one way, but that’s not how they always turn out. Example, I love living here on my own, completely independently, but I miss having close friends around so that I don’t have to be independent all the time. As a human I crave social interaction as well as isolation every now and then. My expectations for the summer were high, I planned of working a lot and getting to know Green Bay and hanging out with people, but in reality I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.
So this summer, being my first summer on my own has been hard, but I know that it’s going to get better, the first summer alone is going to be the hardest because you never know what to expect, and what you do expect most likely isn’t going to happen. But that’s alright because it can only get better from here on out.
Thanks for reading my whiny, blah-blah blog today. 🙂 Happy Birthday, America! And I
hope you all had a wonderful day ❤
Until next time-